http://www.randyarriola.com/blog/2014/4/1/why-im-firing-my-coach-and-you-should-fire-yours
In triathlon and athletics, a good coach should always be aware of new studies and new training methods. That is their job and why we pay them. We utilize their expertise in creating a schedule based off of the knowledge. We expect results and to continually get faster, in order to win that race, make it to Kona, or perhaps just beat a friend. And, quite frankly, if they don’t keep on top of the new gear, they have no place in our triathlon-focused lives.
Thus, I am firing my coach, Brian Stover, today. Yes, it is in the middle of our second season working together. But, I’ve simply had enough. And based on my reading throughout Twitter, Slowtwitch, and every other triathlon focused site out there, you should get rid of yours, too.
Why, you may ask? They are all missing the biggest key to today’s training: Skymall magazine.
Skymall magazine has all kinds of amazing tools to help us achieve our goals. Never before have we been able to train more efficiently, more effectively, and with less strain. And not a single coach has implemented it into their training program.
For starters, check out the Hideaway Elliptical Trainer. It fits perfectly underneath a desk and obviously works the same muscles as running does. Now everyone at a desk job can get a workout in. Did Brian ever mention this to me? NO!!! He is purposefully making me slower, just so he can try to beat me at Leadman in a few weeks.
As triathletes, we all know that wind sucks. The smaller hole that we can punch into the wind, the faster we go for a given power. Brian held an aero camp a few months ago that had great results. Everyone got lower and faster, and likely more comfortable, too. But did anyone use the special Back-Up Barz? No, and these bad boys scream SPEEEEEEEEED! I know that in my half Ironman races, I sometimes get sore. You neck tightens and your shoulders tire a bit. He has never recommend me put these on! Another benefit? More storage space for gels! At my last sprint triathlon, 14 gels simply wasn’t enough. But, that was all the space I had on my top tube. I figure I could put another 4 gels on each of the Back-Up Barz. No more bonking! Triathletes everyone are rejoicing!
We also always need to be in race shape. Extra weight slows us down (duh), and nobody likes a fat dude in lycra. Those extra 3 ounces of pudge around my mid section make me look like the 400 pound dude on a motorcycle. Not cool. Thus, why didn’t Brian make me buy the Fitness Slimming Sauna Shorts? Look closely and you can even see the heavy duty camel toe extender.
I don’t even need to go into the Magnetic Bracelet, the Mermaid Swim Fins, or the Polaris STRIVE Electric Bike.
Lastly (and most importantly for me), he never even thought to recommend the Gravity Defyer Shoes. Our entire goal is to be first at the line. We put in countless hours of training and suffer day in and day out. Well, sometimes we need that extra push. Like having a giant sperm on the side of our shoes. The fastest sperm always gets to the line first, and that is what we want when racing. I WANT THE SUPER POWERED GRAVITY DEFYER SPERM SHOES! Maybe they’ll teach me how to swim, too…
Thus, without further ado, I will now be coached by Ben Greenfield. But don’t worry, other pros out there in the triathlon world- I’ll stick around at the finish line to hand you your finisher’s medal.
